the big idea

A friend told me she was starting a new diet that was really working, would I be interested. I’m always interested… I’ve got that extra twenty pounds that’s creeping up to thirty, that just won’t go away, but I’m also old enough to know there are some things I won’t do, not even for vanity.

“Describe it to me”, I said.
“Well, I’m basically cutting out fat” she replied.
“Okay, let me put it to you another way,” I’m less patient than I used to be too. “What did you have for breakfast?”
“A rice cake” she replied.
I wanted to just hang up the phone, but instead I rallied my strength to say, “Not in a million years, I’d rather be fat.”


This was the beginning to my road to self-discovery. I realized part of my dieting problem has been I’m simply not willing to live a life of deprivation, not even for the privilege of wearing a size 6 (I have no desire whatsoever to be a size smaller than that).


Millions of dollars are spent every year, thousands of books published, doctors are consulted and support groups formed, but really dieting is a mind game. Which of the tricks and groups and programs are you WILLING TO DO in order to lose wait. Do you like the one with only protein, or the one with none? Will you cut carbs, or fat, or sugar? Are you able to count calories or eat pre-packaged food. Can you weigh or measure, or eat in or eat out, are you in better control if you take mostly liquids, or snack on bars. Do you need three balanced meals, six little ones, or two with a shake? These are ultimately all mind games, ways in which you decide you’re willing to eat for a certain length of time in order to be thinner.

What I discovered is that I’m pretty much unwilling to do almost any of it. For example, I refuse to give up anything altogether. The reason I believe Weight Watchers is the most successful of all the diet programs, is that it doesn’t force you to give up anything, it simply makes your you’re not overdoing anything and that by the end of the day your calorie intake isn’t as high as it used to be and your expending enough energy that you’re losing weight. It’s balanced and you don’t have to make yourself crazy. Simply use common sense, with the help of support system, and if you stick to the rules, you’ll lose weight. They employ all the basic mind games we all know work. Write it all down, plan ahead, make trade offs that work. Fantastic.

I’m not even willing to do that. I did it twice before, both times to great success, but at this particular moment in my life, I don’t have the time, or interest, in having someone else weigh me. I don’t want to sit through group discussions about food and “how I’m doing” and what’s working and what’s not. I’m just sick of all of it.

So what am I willing to do? My high school reunion is looming. I have only six months and I really don’t want to fly two thousand miles, to be the chubbiest one at the party. I’m sick of no one telling me I look well. Women have a cruel way of letting you know how you look by omission. I’ll be with girlfriends… (all size six) and they can spend an hour going in a circle telling each other how fabulous they look while just sort of omitting me. It cuts like a knife… but let’s face it, no one looks their best carrying thirty pounds of blubber – and I carry it all in my face and stomach. Disheartening. But at least it means I have some vanity left. It’s a glimmer of hope… I must be willing to do something… what?

That’s when it dawned me. I am willing to take certain things for my health. For example, a vitamin. I don’t like to and I forget, but I’m willing to take vitamins if I believe in them. It’s a start. I’m willing to drink more water than I normally want to. I love diet cokes, but I can’t survive on them alone. Okay… more water and vitamins. It’s a start. What else? You’re supposed to eat fruits and vegetables everyday. Usually my fruit is the raisins in my cereal or the jam on my bread. My vegetable is often the salad at dinner. I would consider be willing to eat a real fruit and a real vegetable every day. One not three… I’m talking a slow start.

So tomorrow… day 1